Meet and fuck fast and free
Whatever the reason may be there are united in their search for SEX! Busy professionals who don’t have time for a serious relationship but are in need of the perfect outlet after a hard day’s work, bored housewives who are not getting it at home, naughty singles just looking for some sexual entertainment, nymphomaniac women who just can get enough of it… PAUL WALKER Dude, that runway was like 200 miles long. agent, you were just some beat cop in Rio, who helped international criminals ripoff a drug lord and kill cops, mind you. SPAIN VIN DIESEL and PAUL WALKER drive CARS really FAST while director JUSTIN LIN masturbates to close-ups of GRATUITOUS GEAR SHIFTING. The TITLE SEQUENCE shows us clips from all of the previous FAST & FURIOUS films, except for TOKYO DRIFT because FUCK THAT MOVIE. VIN'S SPANISH LAIR VIN finishes tuning up his girlfriend ELSA PATAKY when THE ROCK appears. Were you just watching me and my girlfriend have sex? THE ROCK So as I was saying, Luke Evans is a criminal mastermind who runs a team comprised of evil clone versions of Vin's team.
LUDACRIS In order to progress the plot The Rock and I must needlessly humiliate a snooty British Guy because we're assholes. All you need to know is that I am smarter than you and that I have evil contacts everywhere. VIN DIESEL So we're hanging all the crazy bullshit you're going to pull off later on you "having contacts", huh? BTW, I know exactly where Elsa, Jordana, and Paul Jr are, so if you want to warn them to move to a safe house now would be the time. But what the hell is up with Michelle working for you? Just like a toddler is heavy enough to weigh down and flip a mini van.
THE ROCK drops 100 FEET onto LUKE'S GO KART without breaking EVERY DAMN BONE IN HIS BODY because FUCK GRAVITY. SUNG KANG It takes four people to check out one geek? JOHANNES gives TYRESE and SUNG repeated AUTOGRAPHS to THE FACE and escapes. THEY RACE, appeasing the dwindling number of STREET RACING FANS still in the AUDIENCE. What if she got her memory back or discovered who she really was? Unless I'm just really into angry drunken latina chicks. VIN DIESEL Luckily The Rock has come to back me up, even though I had absolutely no idea he would arrive in time to do so. But the TANK FLIPS OVER, launching MICHELLE 500 FEET INTO THE AIR!
LUKE shakes THE ROCK off of his GO KART and ESCAPES. The driver gets out and it's some woman who looks like MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ, except a million times ANGRIER. MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ Apparently my gun only holds one bullet so I'm just going to go now. (escapes) VIN pulls the bullet out with HIS TEETH and the wound HEALS INSTANTLY because it's THAT KIND OF MOVIE. COMMAND CENTER - LONDON THE ROCK We just got our asses gift wrapped and handed to us. VIN DIESEL I saw Michelle, but she didn't recognize me. THE ROCK Well we've determined Luke is stealing several components that combine Voltron-style to create a dangerous super weapon. GAL GADOT Sung, Tyrese, Gina and I will go interrogate a tech nerd who's linked to Luke. But I can only write with the tread of my shoe and I only sign people's faces. I hope Luke taught you how to beat a younger, sexier opponent. MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ Seeing as that I shot you earlier I should naturally assume you're here to kill me and run away, but okay. VIN DIESEL That's kind of an idiot move on your part, isn't it? There really is no other excuse why I would risk my entire criminal enterprise on Michelle. MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ I'm going to crawl outside the tank to remove the cable, but my constipated expression suggests I'm REALLY conflicted about it though! Damn you Vin and your ability to turn good cops into criminals!
SUNG KANG And I'm the Asian guy who already died in this franchise! LUKE plants EXPLOSIVES on the one bridge where ALL THE COPS IN ALL OF BRITAIN are parked and BLOWS THEM UP. But anyone who's seen Tokyo Drift knows your relationship has zero chances of ending well.
GAL GADOT I'm the tough girl that's not Michelle Rodriguez! LONDON LUKE EVANS and his EVIL TEAM steal a MCGUFFIN COMPUTER CHIP from INTERPOL. I have modified my vehicle to comically launch any car I ram 50 feet into the air! PAUL, TYRESE and SUNG arrive in CARS and chase LUKE'S TEAM. Luke's Team has some kind of remote control device and they're controlling my car! TYRESE GIBSON Sung, I have used car analogies to determine you want to marry Gal. If only we hadn't left all our spike strips at home! PAUL WALKER I hope that's not the case either, otherwise my plot line will seem like a boring waste of time. EVIL GEEK'S LAIR TYRESE and SUNG are about to interrogate the EVIL GEEK, but GAL and GINA argue that they are better equipped to interrogate someone because they have BOOBS.